“A Stroke Of Endurance” upload anniversary
Please note! This blog post contains major spoilers for all 4 Crip Video Productions films. Please go to the “films” tab on our official website or simply scroll down to earlier posts to watch the films before reading this post!
Today is the anniversary of when “A Stroke Of Endurance” http://cripvideoproductions.tumblr.com/post/167756665756/a-stroke-of-endurance-a-film-by-margot-cole-the was uploaded. “A Stroke Of Endurance” has really come a long way in 1 year. As of this post “A Stroke Of Endurance” has 1,713 views and 13 likes on youtube(plus about 432 views and 5 likes on the open captioned version which is a separate video) In response to “A Stroke Of Endurance” many,many people asked me why I created Crip Video Productions. This writing is about my inspirations behind creating Crip Video Productions.
Meeting my disabled friends and mentors inspired me in many ways. For the first time, I became interested in the lives of other people with disabilities. I originally wanted to write plays about my experience of being a disabled person. I heard about a playwriting contest in Bay Ridge Brooklyn called “A Playwright Grows in Brooklyn” when my mom took me to see one of their performances. Thomas Kane, the artistic director, suggested that I write a play for the contest. I wasn’t even sure if I could write a play. My mom, who is also a playwright, promised to help me write the play. I decided to base the play called “Drama Sighted” on a little of myself plus other people I knew, creating a fictional story. I ended up winning the contest which was a huge surprise. The prize for winning the contest was that BrooklynOne performed the 5 winning plays and the kids who wrote the plays would help direct the performance! I went to the little rehearsals of the winning plays every week before the performance. I quickly realized that directing was not easy. I had to teach an able bodied boy playing my Brandon character how to walk with crutches. My play was performed twice. I got my own “writer bio” in the playbill. That was very exciting. I felt like I was a real theater professional for the first time. As I watched my play both times on stage, I listened to see how the other people watching were reacting. Everyone,especially my mom, seemed to love it. One woman said my play was the best of the 5 plays being performed. During the second performance, a person I knew who also had CP came to see it. I didnʼt really think she would like it because she sees flaws in everything but she really enjoyed the play. All the winners were given these special award cerificates from the city council after the last performance with our names on them. The experience of winning the contest was a wonderful time in my life that I will always remember.
A few months after that another friend of mine with CP(who saw “Drama Sighted” performed as a play at BrooklynOne) told me to join a group called “DISLABELEDtv” which made videos about people with disabilities. One day during a meeting at a Mexican cafe with DISLABELEDtv one of the other members, Walei Sabry who is blind and has always been a fan of “Drama Sighted”, suggested I turn “Drama Sighted” into a short film. I agreed to the idea. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I had to learn the process of filmmaking from scratch. As I have said many times it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I had to cast the film myself, direct it, and eventually find someone to edit the film. My friend with CP was disappointed that BrooklynOne had not casted disabled actors in “Drama Sighted” but this was simply not possible for BrooklynOne to do because the BrooklyOne cast was playing multiple roles in all five of the winning plays as an ensemble piece and the other five plays had no disabled characters and no disabled actors were part of that theater at the time. Regardless I was determined to cast disabled actors. I found an editor named Rich. The person who Lisa was roughly based on was kind enough to describe her blind spot to me so that Rich and I could make a special effect that looked like a real blind spot. Thomas unfortunately died before we finished editing “Drama Sighted”. “Drama Sighted” was uploaded to youtube on October 12 2011. Drama Sighted still gets positive feedback to this day! “Drama Sighted” has 2,315 views and 7 likes.
After that DISLABELED told me to make a special trailer for Drama Sighted to be shown at their first film screening in 2012 with their brand new name DISLABELED Film Series. Once DISLABELEDtv changed their name to DISLABELED Film Series and decided to screen other people’s work instead of making their own films and media I had to branch out on my own with the name Crip Video Productions as soon as I had decided to go ahead and make “Only Those Who Limp Allowed”. “Only Those Who Limp Allowed” was roughly inspired by 2 people I knew who told me over the phone they each needed roommates but never wanted to be roommates with each other. In the plot of “Only Those Who Limp Allowed” and for a little bit of the plot in “Crips Not Creeps” I wanted to show the characters Nellie and Randy in a romantic relationship without objectifying the characters because I often saw disabled characters written as asexual or in a hypersexualized way and found both options extremely objectifying so I focused more on the relationship and how disability may or may not affect their interaction with each other. I decided to make this blog and, much later on, my official website, to keep all news and events related to Crip Video Productions in one central easy-to-access place. I had to take on a lot more responsibility with “Only Those Who Limp Allowed” compared to “Drama Sighted” like learning how to manage scheduling. I had to find my own voice a lot more with “Only Those Who Limp Allowed” “Only Those Who Limp Allowed” has 9,731 views.
Then I decided to make “Crips Not Creeps”. http://cripvideoproductions.tumblr.com/post/109840448686/crips-not-creeps-enhanced-visual-quality-version I started developing “Crips Not Creeps” just days after I uploaded “Only Those Who Limp Allowed” I knew I wanted to write a fictional mystery plot. I wanted to explore the idea of morals. I wanted to try to have the disability be part of the plot without the disability being the main point of the plot. Frank is a guy who has let his pride and jealously towards Brandon turn him evil. He is smart in a manipulative way and stops at nothing to get what he wants. He feels that his position in the world of disabled performers is threatened by Brandon’s presence. Before Brandon came along Frank would get a lot of attention and had a reputation for being a great actor. Now Frank and Brandon and often compete for similar roles in stage plays. Frank knows that Brandon is more talented than he is, so he feels he has to go to drastic measures to get Brandon out of the way. I wanted it to be clear in this film that Frank is NOT jealous of Brandon over physical abilities. Frank is not bitter over being disabled. Frank just has an intense fear of being replaced. I absolutely hate being falsely accused so I wanted to explore the idea of what would happened to Brandon if he was falsely accused by his able bodied ex girlfriend due to a misunderstanding. “Crips Not Creeps” involved a lot more planning in regards to locations and visuals. I was honored to work with all of the cast and crew. “Crips Not Creeps” quickly became the fan favorite in 2015 before “A Stroke Of Endurance” was released and replaced it as fan favorite.
Since “Crips Not Creeps” has been uploaded, my films have been getting a lot of attention in the form of good feedback,interviews, reviews,http://cripvideoproductions.tumblr.com/post/167846364446/autistichistorymonth-astrokeofendurance and successful screenings in Santa Fe New Mexico,Kingsborough Community College and various outreach events. We did outreach for the Russian-American disability advocacy group where my words about the film “Crips Not Creeps” and my mission were translated to Russian and the film clips were played in English. http://cripvideoproductions.tumblr.com/post/131307985176/charity-event-and-self-advocacy
October 2015 was Crip Video Productions film outreach month essentially because we did one outreach after the other. The 2015 and 2018 New Mexico screenings were special bittersweet experiences because I got to see some very old friends who I have not seen in years. I would advise anyone reading this not to take anyone they love in their life for granted. In terms of impact, I was able to teach an able bodied girl that CP comes in many forms, not just the most severe forms commonly seen in media and teach her about visual impairments. Like I mentioned in the previous posts I met someone who injured himself in such a way that it caused his body to tense up tremendously. His alignment was actually a lot like a person with CP after this happened. He ended up asking me about my physical therapy experiences after seeing my films and I hope I was able to assist him in this area. Like many people I know, he found physical therapy to be incredibly boring. This person was able to look at the films and be encouraged in his road to recovery. Hopefully his bout with spasticity will not be permanent, but even if he has continued muscle issues he knows tight muscles and loss of some balancing ability is not the end of the world. Life goes on either way. I think something people have to remember is unlike a person with CP like myself, who are born with a disability, people who become disabled later in life need to adapt to the new disability and may need that extra encouragement that some other disabled people don’t want or find patronizing.
I happened to do an educational talk about Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and Cerebral Palsy http://cripvideoproductions.tumblr.com/post/130787737671/brain-injury-presentation where I met people with types of brain damage that I had never even heard of before, such as brain damage that affects sleep patterns and sensory processing. These types of brain damage are almost completely invisible. I see from meeting these people that these types of brain injury are a night and day difference from my own. These people had to adjust to doing things differently which was emotionally difficult because the disabilities happened instantly but they accepted it as just part of life just as the characters in the films do.
I got to meet people with conditions that I hardly understood like diabetes and epilepsy. For whatever reason these people felt that they could share the details of their conditions with me after seeing the films. The person with diabetes told me what low blood sugar episodes felt like. The person with epilepsy told me what a seizure felt like. I’m honored that these people were affected by the films in such a way where they would trust me without even really knowing me. It was a very brave thing for them to do. I also got a message online from somebody all the way in Italy who saw Crips Not Creeps. I don’t know how this person got around the language barrier since my films are only available in english on youtube at the moment(we would love to translate the films to other languages in the future perhaps,) but it sounded like he was somehow able to read the open captions in english or translate the open captions to Italian on his own judging from his comments. He said he appreciated my work since he had been disabled through polio. I have been contacted multiple times by both disabled and able bodied film students for advice. One of our actors, Dustin Jones, who plays Frank in “Crips Not Creeps” has also gotten a lot of attention when he appeared in various TV ads after the films release. I have built connections through the films that I never knew were even possible! A Sociology professor even offered to show my films to her classes as a teaching tool in 2016. A Biology professor asked permission to use the films as part of his lessons in 2017 and 2018.
For “A Stroke Of Endurance”, it was roughly based on my experience with my Professor who had a stroke in November 2015. When I first met him I could immediately see he was very kind,generous, and very smart,and not just book smart. He could understand people very well and had good instincts. He was very expressive with his body language when teaching and had a vast knowledge of many subjects. On the first day of class after the other students left, he asked “You have Cerebral Palsy?” in one of the most honest ways I had ever heard. His curiosity was refreshing. Weeks later he had a stroke. When he returned to class told me he had the stroke on campus and was rushed to the hospital near the college. “I don’t even live here!” he exclaimed.
On his second day back to class after the stroke he had a bad dizzy spell. He had signed an accommodation form for somebody then looked up at the ceiling with his mouth open in a weird expression, panting in distress, as his eyeballs rolled up and back and then side to side. His eye drifted down towards me at one point so I looked away to save him any embarrassment and stop me from panicking. When I looked back he had his head turned away with his hand over his closed eyes. “How are you?” he said to the class. “Good. How are you?” I said. “I’m a little dizzy” he replied. “Oh! Do you need help or anything?” I asked worried. “No” he said smiling as he turned off the classroom computer. He looked fine for the rest of the semester and said he guessed he had gotten dizzy because he was tired.
Through my experiences in making “A Stroke of Endurance”. I realized that I knew things about life because of the CP that could be valuable to others.
Some of the emotion behind "A Stroke Of Endurance” was also inspired by when one of my friends had a bad health scare with complications that could have killed her caused by a different type of blood clotting issue. I said some bad things to her face a week before she had the health scare and because I was young I exaggerated things like the Ava character did about Professor Ben’s stroke. Ava’s anxieties are highly, highly exaggerated versions of my own anxieties. So it’s the most emotional film. With “A Stroke Of Endurance” I wanted to show disability comes with both good and bad, because I felt certain movies only put emphasis on the bad aspects of disability. Putting emphasis on only the bad aspects of disability turns disabled characters into one dimensional stereotypes that are plot devices, because they focus on an external surface of a character the character has no control over. Since I kept seeing mass produced movies about disabled characters who wanted to die shortly after becoming newly disabled I wanted to make a film about a newly disabled person who wanted to live, not to die. My Professor had this vibrancy where he would embrace life head on. He did not let fear control him. If I could re create even just a small piece of that spark, the bright light I saw in him, I knew I would create something wonderful. I wanted people who were new to the experience of life with a disability to know that they can come to us who have lived with disability from birth or childhood for support. “A Stroke Of Endurance” was the first time I attempted to act in a lead role. Up until that point I had only played secondary characters so I did my best to use all of the skills I learned from my acting mentors to bring Ava to life.
During the writing process in 2016 I spoke to a lovely lady who had a stroke for an hour with her full permission as research to add to the realism of Professor Ben’s stroke and physical and emotional recovery. I’m forever grateful for her insights and generosity!
During the production one creative experiment I wanted to try was to see if I could make a disabled actor appear able bodied for a scene that takes place before Professor Ben becomes disabled from his stroke. I really wanted a disabled actor to play Professor Ben and I needed to show Professor Ben before he has the stroke for the story to make sense. When we shot the film the actor Tim Snoha simply stood behind a desk in such a way that his Cerebral Palsy was not visible. Later on at the shoot, Tim Snoha suggested a shot in which we see the students looking down at Professor Ben from his point of view that he filmed with his iphone while sitting on the floor. I wanted to show that while Ava was the main character, it was really Professor Ben who was experiencing the stroke directly. Ava is only an observer of Professor Ben’s experiences. Tim’s suggestion was an extension of my storytelling idea. I already had the scene where Professor Ben sees the ceiling spinning from his point of view in the script, so Tim’s idea made perfect sense. To improve the audio we had the dialogue as a separate audio layer recorded with a small recording device separate from the camera.
Through making this film, I was reminded that God gave me Cerebral Palsy and writing talents so I can help others with my films. It is my hope that my current and future work can let people know that disabled people have lives that are highly valuable.
Once the film was released I heard from stroke survivors who said they thought the film was very accurate to their experiences. One stroke survivor loved how the Professor Ben character mentioned the stroke itself was not physically painful at all. One person whose mother had a stroke told me they finally understood stroke from the stroke survivors perspective because of the film. They were used to seeing films about stroke only from the caretaker perspective, not the perspective of the person with the stroke. Another caregiver to a person with a very massive stroke that caused the stroke survivor to need a ventilator also connected with the film a lot. I heard from someone in the Netherlands who loved the film and said their father-in-law had a stroke. I had comments from people saying they connected with Ava’s love of Biology. A nurse found the film helpful to her medical training. A woman in India told me she prefered my American film style to the Hindi Bollywood movies produced in India. A woman who survived a brain cyst causing a stroke told me her entire survival story after seeing the film. I had screenings for colleges where I introduced the film and we had a Q&A. Tim said he approached Professor Ben’s character as “How would it feel to not be sure if you can communicate as well as you used to and do your job, because the professor loves to teach.” and used his Cerebral Palsy as a reference. On May 10th 2018, I did a small private screening for a writing class. http://cripvideoproductions.tumblr.com/post/173896946731/image-description-group-of-good-looking-college We discussed the theme of empathy in the film. Part of the discussion was also about the effects of trauma and I was able to bring up how the effects of the physical trauma to the brain in Cerebral Palsy and Stroke led to certain symptoms. One student in that class asked how long it took to make the film. Many of the actors from “A Stroke Of Endurance” were inspired by the process of making the film to continue acting and were accepted into acting classes and other film based projects.
In August 2018 Crip Video Productions finally managed to release audio described versions of all of our films. I knew what audio description was in 2009 even before Crip Video Productions was made but providing audio description proved more difficult than we imagined. http://cripvideoproductions.tumblr.com/post/155491546901/learning-to-audio-describe-film After multiple failed attempts at trying to edit audio description directly into all of the films from scratch that were ruined by hard drive failures on my end, we finally discovered the free service “YouDescribe” provided by youtube. http://cripvideoproductions.tumblr.com/post/177003288296/a-stroke-of-endurance-audio-described
I hope to keep making more films and inspiring others creatively in the future.
